It has been almost four days since the Orlando shooting. Four
days in which my heart has felt heavy and my tears have been constant. I have
been at a loss for words. I have been quiet. I feel lost. I am sad. Not the
type of sadness you feel when your team loses a game or you go through a break up which can be extremely difficult, but an emptiness, like I don’t exist in my
own body and I’m not sure when it will end. It’s indescribable, really. A similar type of sadness I felt when I came
out as gay at 17, and felt completely alone, like there was no reason to live
anymore. I am deeply saddened by humanity and the direction in which this
country is headed.
I am sad because there is an absence of love and an
abundance of hate. It doesn’t and shouldn’t matter your race, gender, sexual
orientation, or socio- economic status to feel valued. Love should be displayed
by all and too all. Love is free. It is how most of us get by every single day.
But the United States, the United States is forgetting what it is like to love.
Instead of loving we are turning to fear and hatred and bigotry and ignorance.
The land of the free, home of the brave, no longer feels like the land of the
free. People are being shot down because of race, massacred because of sexual
orientation, treated less equal because of gender, profiled because of
religion, and marginalized because they do not fit a certain mold. Thank you to
the Brave men and women who fought for our freedoms, and continue to do so.
Now, what are we going to do as a society and as a nation to hold true to those
values so that ALL men, women, people are treated equally? Not all, as in the
ones you deem necessary, but literally ALL individuals in this country.
I have seen Facebook posts protecting and demanding that the
second amendment NOT BE CHANGED BECAUSE IT IS OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO OWN
GUNS! Yet, those same citizens support an
orange-haired potato head, who shouts out that all Muslims and Mexicans should
be banned from this so called great nation. Did these same people forget that
the First Amendment also protects FREEDOM of RELIGION, and ASSEMBLY? I feel
disheartened by humanity because the outcry is MORE GUNS and VIOLENCE. Not,
more love, respect, tolerance and understanding. Many people don’t realize that
these shooters, as the press repeatedly deems devout Muslims are actually not Muslims
as all. They are terrorists hiding behind a mask they call Islam. I have many
Muslim friends and know many others, and my heart aches because I know who they
are as individuals, people, and U.S. CITIZENS.
I am also saddened and most affected by this particular act
of terror because it could have been me. The Orlando shooting, an extreme act of hate
towards a targeted group of people, I just can’t seem to wrap my head around. I
am not angry. I am done being angry. I am extremely hurt. I feel completely
empty. And I am even more saddened by the response of Americans. I read this
article and I felt hollow. I couldn’t believe that such a large
group of people could have the reaction that "they were just gays, he should be
a hero for shooting the gays.” A family member
said to me, “I feel bad for the little girl who was killed and the news isn’t
even covering her because of these 49 other people.” Does that sound as
ridiculous to you as it does to me? Not only for the fact that it is an
argument about which shooting should be covered on the news more, but also
which death is more important a girl or these
“other 49 people”. Just 49 people? These
were 49 mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, spouses and children who were
massacred for being openly happy, loving members of society. This should help
you get to know these people,but
their life doesn’t matter because they do not fit what YOU want them to be? I
am confused. I am saddened. I am disgusted. I feel empty. That could have been
me in that nightclub. But, what does it matter? I’m just a lesbian, with a
bleeding heart and a love for language, culture, education and people who are
different than me. I would rather spread love into the world than hate and
violence. What does it matter? It feels there is no place for LOVE in America
anymore. A country filled with bigotry and hatred and such an absence
for love and tolerance. It’s deeply sad to me. “More guns", they say. “Get tougher", they say. “They should all be killed", they scream. "Give the teachers guns", they chant. As if that is the answer. Fear has
never solved a single problem in my life or the lives of anyone I know. Overcoming
fear, now that is POWERFUL.
The shooting that occurred this past weekend is so much more
than LGBTQA lives lost. It’s about better understanding humanity and gun laws.
Christians should learn more about Islam. Muslims should learn more about
Christianity. White Americans should learn more about United States history and
the struggle and oppression that all non-white Americans feel on a daily basis.
Minorities can learn more about why White Americans feel so entitled and why
their education is so skewed. Why rural Americans are more uneducated and how that
shapes their views. Why people living in homogeneous communities are more
racist or citizens living in cities are more democratic. Perhaps if we better
understand America as a whole, the melting pot that we are, we can begin to
better understand each other as a nation. We could become a culturally
responsive, beautifully diverse, GREAT NATION that we are meant to be.
Otherwise, I have a feeling we will no longer be a liberated,
free, and democratic country. And slowly, but surely we will take ourselves
down.
I do have hope and see hope when I walk the halls of Chelsea
High School and hear new immigrant students talk about opportunity and
tolerance. I have hope in the middle school students of College View Middle
School who question the media’s portrayal on homosexuality, immigration, and
white privilege. I have hope when visiting the faculty, staff and professors
from Northeastern, who discuss their travels around the world and the wonderful
work their students are doing to make this world a better, more peaceful place for
all people. I have hope in my little cousins and their confusion by acts such
as these. I have hope when I receive a text from the mother of the children I
used to nanny for saying, “The kids are worried about you and Jess as we have
been listening to and discussing the heartbreaking news from FL. They said, ‘I
wonder how they feel?’ And ‘I want them to be safe.’ We are so sad and we heart
you.” I have hope in talking to Jess, my fiancé, who happens to be a woman and
loves harder than anyone I have ever met. I see hope in the first responders
who risk their lives and aid the wounded, in the Mosque leaders who condone
acts such as these and reiterate that this is not how Allah views the world, in
the Men and Women who fight to protect our country and our liberties. I have
hope because these are acts of love and they have not given up. They have not succumb to fear. They are all
heroes. They still spread love. They
understand that the United States needs more love. And love ladies and
gentlemen is the only thing that is going to get all of us through.
Before I sign off, I want to send my deepest condolences to
the families affected by the horrific Orlando tragedy; I want to send love to
my LGBTQA brothers and sisters. I see you, I hear you, and I know you are
beautiful. I send tolerance and respect to the Muslim community, a welcoming
group of individuals that I and many others understand acts like this are by
radical terrorists not Muslims as a whole. We are with you. And lastly, to ignorant
Americans who are looking for someone to blame, I send love to you and hope.
Hope that you will look inside yourself and realize we all play a part in these
tragedies. Hope that one day, you will see how beautiful this country could be with
the acceptance of all.
Paz y amor,
Abby
